Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! On this episode of Slop Quest Ryan doesn’t believe Andy about where the phrases “Chop Chop” and “Long time no see”. Then they brainstorm ways to sell Americans on high speed rails. Andy tries to convince O’Neill to show him his patented mole removal technique but O’Neill fears teaching him would be too homoerotic. YouTube takes a dump on their stream as soon as they bring up anything controversial. Then Ryan tries to gas up Andy on his driving skills but Andy doesn’t believe him. This leads them to talk about how movies have people “dig deep” in order to perform better but how that never happens. Then Ryan can’t let go of his “fondue” character and repeats lines he comes up with about fondue to himself the entire time he’s skiing. O’Neill realizes that he’s not sociopathic enough to become a huge sensation in show business. Then Andy develops a new move on his inversion table that leaves O’Neill speechless. Andy then receives an unbelievable pat on the back from his wife. O’Neill thinks Andy can never become a “regular guy” again after all his ridiculous antics.  There’s more Dave Ramsey Only Fans advice from callers.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan destroys his body skiing while Andy destroys his body with sword practice. There’s a little Epstein talk while a drone hovers outside the window and Ryan fantasizes about the government bursting into his apartment to attack him. Ryan does a “deep dive” on microchips and concludes they are all fake. This enrages Andy who insists that the philosophy of “I don’t understand something so it’s fake” is not a valid scientific point of view. Andy thinks Ryan’s solo ski trios are Dark Aging his brain. Then Andy finally eats sushi again and Ryan thinks he has worms. Then Ryan fantasizes about Andy going to Norway and being dressed up as a little boy.  Then Ryan wants Andy to come to his stand up show so he can do crowd work with him. Andy threatens to sneak a bullhorn into his comedy show and heckle him. Then they talk about how to survive a post nut bj. Ryan gets his gas card declined and thinks he uncovered a vast conspiracy. Then Andy finds some good AIO Reddit threads where people tell a woman to divorce her husband because he didn’t like a character on a reality housewives show.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan talks about how the real small businessmen are drug dealers. Then Andy talks about the Alkaline water scam and scares himself into backtracking everything. Andy goes tubing in Big Bear and claims it’s even better than skiing but SOMEBODY disagrees.  Andy and Ryan try to rehabilitate the cigarette industry. Ryan floats the idea of running for president based solely on revitalizing the American fireworks industry. Andy finds a subreddit where idiots are posting mall katanas and asking his valuable they are. Then Ryan accuses Andy of having “treatment resistant swordplay”. Andy runs out of people to talk about swords with and resorts to keeping a diary of his swordplay gainz. This infuriates O’Neill. Then O’Neill gets roasted by a listener in one of the funniest ways possible. O’Neill insists he is a very supportive friend and is very motivated to build Andy up. Then Andy has to negotiate taking a shit at O’Neill’s apartment. Then Andy cajoles O’Neill into going on Comics Unleashed and doing his 5’9 bit.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! There’s a little Tina Turner talk at the start of the show. Ryan has a series of injuries when his luck runs out. Andy has a 14 hour delay on a flight. Ryan has his mind blown when he finds out lots of Bible Belt Christians don’t consider Catholics Christian. Then Andy attends a sword fighting class behind a CVS. Andy hides most of Reddit from himself. Then Andy recalls a product for getting lap dances that are just rubber underwear with lube in them. Ryan can’t believe that sexual surrogates are real. Ryan tries to figure out why Airforce Amy was a popular sex worker. Then the boys talk about Bill Gates a bit. Then Andy finds out how many dudes in their thirties have to be on viagra. O’Neill works out at an elementary school playground in Texas.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Andy gets some puffy pants for Christmas called Pluderhosen and wears them to the podcast. O’Neill then takes issues with Andy’s HEMA training and a classic argument commences. Andy is losing weight with sword fighting but Ryan is reluctant to celebrate it. O’Neill then says he could defeat Andy with a move he calls “the helicopter”. Then Andy knocks over half a gallon of water while dancing around and it gets all over the equipment.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Comedy Store veteran and hilarious good buddy, Mike Black is finally in the O’Neill Rent Controlled Studios. The talk about the Jake Paul fight and pitch a new boxing show where half the fighters don’t even want to be there. The boys pitch a new advertising angle for Pinesol. Then Ryan reveals the origins of Cornhole and gets roasted by Mike and Andrew for his choice in comedy material. Ryan and Andrew recount Andy’s unprofessional bank behavior to Mike who defends him. O’Neill makes a classic mistake where he confuses gorillas and pandas. Then Andy gets confused about pandas as well and they debate creating American pandas.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! There’s some late Epstein file talk. O’Neill talks about he’d be tricked into showing up on the Epstein files. He then floats the idea of having a professional photographer hiding to take embarrassing photos. They talk a little about Ellis quitting comedy and O’Neill’s mind is blown. Then they get into a little motivational talk where Andy crowns Ryan “King of Tomfoolery”. Andy tries Ryan’s garlic technique and has Diarrhea. Then Andy pulls the fake text prank on his cousin by marriage which infuriates O’Neill because he doesn’t believe in cousins by marriage. There’s some weight loss by basketball talk. The boys talk about Andy getting HEMA sword tattoo. Andy talks about how he tries to keep lines of communication open with friends and family and O’Neill hates the idea. There’s more tomfoolery about this from O’Neill and Andy begs him to break new ground. Then O’Neill humble brags about how good he is with communicating even if he never talks to people. Then the boys talk about how wives set their husbands up on play dates. O’Neill expresses his desire to not have any friends.  Andy finds a Christian comedian lady who KILLS in front of the crowd and O’Neill loses it. Andy meets a woman who describes herself as having been “slutty” but she waited for marriage to have sex? The boys then reminisce about the loss of the “erotic thriller” of the 90’s.

Andy finds out about the new brain rot gen z pinsol commercials. Andy is back in full form according to O’Neill. Then O’Neill hits on a hot audience member in front of her boyfriend and the crowd loves it. Andy finds an old Napster audio file about grey eyes and torments O’Neill with it. Andy daydreams about being good at sword fighting during a match and gets cranked in the head. Then they discuss putting guys who waste their money on Only Fans in group homes. Andy and O’Neill talk about people who make all their money taping their own farts and how crazy the new economy is. The boys talk about how much plastic we’ve all eaten. Andy gets surrounded by fake AI movie trailers. Then they write a pitch for Forest Gump 2 where the plot is they dig up Jenny’s body so they can reanimate it for one last bang. Then they dig into the hilariously racist past of White Christmas. Andy tells O’Neill about the Japanese “Paris Syndrome” and O’Neill goes nuts.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week they celebrate the fact that kids still associate Taco Bell with Diarrhea. Then a fog filled with ammonia settles over O’Neill’s neighborhood and conspiracy theories abound. Then Andy has a disgusting sex dream about a bedazzled vagina. Then O’Neill accuses Andy of getting all his facts from billboards. Then he floats the idea of winning the lottery and buying Andy a house that’s so expensive that Andy goes broke from property taxes. Andy gets prescribed an antibiotic that tears your tendons. Then they delve into China’s strange stance on ghosts and Andy forces O’Neill to become an audio philosopher.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Andy brings his HEMA long sword into the O’Neill Family Beans Studio. Ryan proposes that Andy will be the next “Star Wars Kid” as he practices long sword drills in the parking lot and on his roof. Then they imagine combining Andy’s sword skills with Ryan’s new judo skills for the perfect one-two combo. O’Neill then refuses to handle Andy’s sword because he’s worried that Andy takes the sword with him to the toilet. Then they do Dave Ramsey giving Elon Musk debt consolidation advice. Then they go on a tear doing Dave Ramsey giving advice to Only Fans models.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! The boys lament the loss of the American penny and speculate on how they can use the savings to pay for cool things. Ryan talks about his awesome hyper inflation is going to be because he’ll see signs at the grocery store with big numbers. This week the boys fantasize about how rich they’d be if they had invested in crypto early. They talk about having an eBay for sex tapes and nudes. The boys push legislation for disclosing whether or not your car is haunted then they start a pr firm that uses ghost sightings to bring housing prices down. Then they come up with the ultimate gender war tactic by turning all dudes gay and just hanging out with the boys.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week the mind of Ryan O’Neill investigates a city council woman who committed manslaughter after being called a name. Andrew does a deep dive on The White Massai and the more we learn , the more it outrages O’Neill. This leads to a confession from O’Neill that he’s been secretly watching Sex And The City and the unhinged Psychopath behavior by the ladies leaves O’Neill speechless.  This leads O’Neill to talk about a lady who didn’t bring enough oxygen to Mount Oxygen and tries to bum air off of everyone. Then Andy finds an old video that teaches wives how to enjoy football. Finally , Andy and Ryan create a new straight to video scheme based off Dorf Loves Golf where and tucks his arms into his t-shirt called “Wingman”.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This episode O’Neill tests out his new sunglasses . Then he reveals the ancient prophecies of Baba Venya and tries to unravel her prescient mysteries. Andy finds a preacher from the 80’s who tries to prove that He-Man is the Antichrist. Then they talk about Diarhea related deleted scenes from Braveheart that will shock you. Then they talk about how to survive a knife attack with a lot of unwarranted confidence. Then Ryan debates the legality of marrying an Ai. Then Andy talks about his final wishes for when he’s an old man. Then Ryan berates Andy for eating a burrito in bed.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Andy almost blackouts on the toilet. Then an old listener gets out of prison and is confused on what episode of the podcast we’re on. Ryan finds out that the Japanese are experimenting by filling butts with liquid oxygen. They speculate on the sports related applications of this brave new technology. Then they talk about america’s new nicotine obsession. Andy finds the earliest recorded jokes. Then Andy finds a giant tittied German chick online and rages when O’Neill says he doesn’t care. Then he tries to get Andy to restart Babes of Dongaria. They talk about horny Boomer comments on public profiles with all their real world information on it. Then O’Neill fantasizes about Andy being the only man in history to be sex trafficked. O’Neill brags about his “Connect 4” mind games that makes his wife second guess all her moves. This infuriates Andrew to the point that Dark Andy returns. Then O’Neill brags about how good he is at sheep sheering and how many alpaca items he has.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week O’Neill recounts his harrowing adventures with Ari Shaffir in Peru. There’s so many twists and turns you’ll be on the edge of your toilet seat. Lives endangered, lives saved, drugs consumed and memories made.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Ryan prepares for leaving the country and the yellow fever treatment puts him on his ass. Andy’s daughter leaves a hilarious secret note in Ryan’s bathroom that makes Andy so proud but enrages O’Neill. Ryan opens up about the amount of people he knows who got abducted by aliens in Indiana. Then the boys debate whether or not they could bang an alien. Andy finds a chick whose whole face looks fake in a super scary way. On the Patreon side, O’Neill opens up about some dark and hilarious family ass whoopings.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week Ryan reminisces about Indiana Stand Your Ground laws. The boys then talk about how SA on dudes is still considered fair game for online ding dongs. Andy tries to explain the different rules for felons getting an EDC by becoming history buffs. Then they pitch a movie about a guy with gynocomasteia with cannons in his tits. Then they debate the usefulness of pounding donkeys as O’Neill puts on his “world traveler” hat. Then they pitch the boys talk about what made Ryan so angry about Rocky V.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This episode Ryan loses his voice at the same time as Andy. Ryan for mysterious reasons and Andy because of a massive onion based GERD attack. Andy has to paint a commission of Godzilla with boobs and a dong. Then they pitch the GERD National Championship where Andy faces off against Steve Ranazizi. Andy keeps getting slapped awake by the corner of his fitted sheet around 2 am every night. Then they come up with a plan to stop men from taking dick pics on the toilet with a new invention. Then Andy tries to whisper sweet nothings into his wife’s ear while he’s gerding. Then they pitch a History Chanel show “Decoding The Past: With Ryan O’Neill”. Andy gets sent to Fat Space Camp. Then Andy’s mom laments buying him a Starter Jacket.

Andy and Ryan talk about how in show animosity is hilarious but unsustainable. Then Ryan predicts which businesses are about to go out of business while Andy plays a trick on him. Then they talk about a Neil DeGrasse Tyson AI video that makes them question the future. There’s some rickshaw and John Henry talk. They talk about the new age of internet censorship that’s creeping into everything. Then O’Neill realizes he’s been directly affected by a data center stealing all his water. Then they float the idea of using doodie to cool server farms. Andy finally finds out about using French fry grease for diesel fuel. Then they pitch a Broadway musical where he blackmails Linn Emanuel Miranda to write a musical about him being addicted to fentanyl after his harrowing colonoscopy. Then O’Neill worries that his female optometrist is falling in love with him because of his beautiful baby grays. Then they give Pete Hegseth tips on comedy crowd work for his future speeches to generals and give him some advice on his material.

Andy has a crazy dream about O’Neill and John Little then they talk about the Tylenol controversy. Then Andy and Ryan talk about the church reframing the visual depictions of the Devil to get farmers to stop worshipping Pan. This leads them to change up Pan and give him a cool modern twist with fun new traditions. Then O’Neill gets converted to Christianity by the idea of a scarier new Satan who sprays people with Round Up. Then the boys talk about how lame public, staged proposals are. Then Andy finds out just how absolutely shitty the author of “Eat, Pray, Love” and when he reveals the details, O’Neill rages like never before.

It’s episode 100 and O’Neill brings a Mr. T doll but won’t let Andy touch it or play with it.  O’Neill gets emotional when he reveals how much he enjoys the show with Andy. These tries to talk Andy into banging old dudes in china for the CIA. Then he tries to teach Andy “Chinese” and it derails the podcast. Then they come up with an idea to get way with anything by saying you were being blackmailed by Palantir. The boys then come up with a plan for insane celebrities to defame NPR’s Terri Gross by editing interviews to make it seem like she was asking inappropriate questions. Then O’Neill seems to believe that you can write “whatever you want” in a biography as long as it’s listed as “unauthorized”. Further research doesn’t support this. Then O’Neill tries to infiltrate a harem with his big beautiful butt cheeks.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! O’Neill wants to move to England to eat contaminated shrimp. Then he berates Andy for wanting to make more money. They lament the death of 90’s sitcoms and pitch an idea for an ABC Family show about a man who loves to eat ass but instead just has nice family dinners. O’Neill and Andy fight about which sushi is best and you know what happens. It devolves into O’Neills classic “high quality ingredients” nonsense. Then they try to turn Andy’s life around when he admits to O’Neill that not only does he eat garbage but he PREFERS garbage. Ryan tries to cheer him up by reading the last little bits of his apocalyptic Christian pamphlet.

Andy gets 8 hours of sleep but is sweating like crazy because of nicotine gum and O’Neill goes nuts on him. Then they worry about Andy getting sent to RFK Jr’s fat camps to pick candy bars from candy bar bushes while avoiding mean farmers with salt rock shotguns. Andy’s grandad works on a sugar cane farm and gets free sugar cane syrup. Andy then goes on rant about O’Neill’s pre-show prep routine and this triggers a Dark Andy relapse. Japanese women trap men with fake ultrasound images. O’Neill tries to pitch a post apocalyptic show that focuses on people having too much salt from emergency meals.  The boys use AI to come up with pick up lines but the AI goes WOKE on them! This turns into self deprecating cat calls which they love. Ryan tries to invoke the rules of the guest on Andy and it causes some controversy. And finally, Brad Pitt’s house gets looted.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan gets addicted to Fentanyl after his colonoscopy and his entire family is worried. Then he worries someone might have taken liberties with his big juicy bottom because the doctor had on gonzo porno camera glasses on. Ryan doesn’t believe Andy that Big Thunder Mountain cures kidney stones but Andy has the receipts. Then they brainstorm ideas for a car dealership that’s like a crack dealer. A serial killer is stalking the streets of   Austin and only O’Neill can solve the case. Andy is running late and O’Neill can’t let it go and it makes Andy all squirly. Andy gets shaken awake at 5:30 am to help finish a school project and O’Neill suggests homeschooling with YouTube videos only. Andy saves his family from a fire while he was taking a shit and he’s a real American hero.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week they talk about the unspoken show biz rule of writing in parts for boyfriends and girlfriends and how it destroys a script. Andy gets locked out on his porch twice in a row and might have to take shit in a bucket.  Ryan gets locked out of his bedroom in a psychic attack.  There’s so,e standing up for “squatter’s rights “ if you get what I mean and then O’Neill fantasizes about hiring someone off Craigslist to rip Andy off the toilet mid dump. They talk about Stainless steel toilet stock for Nancy Pelosi. Then O’Neill imagines a world where he works for the government by doing pranks on people. Then we get 5 star review that’s truly unbelievable. Then Andy watches the Chris Rock, O’Neill and Ari video and has some minor quibbles about it.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! O’Neill & Andy remember the old Church of Latter Day Saints commercials. This leads them to speculate on the pros and cons polygamy and this leads to a few disagreements as well as a business idea for a “ball sauna” to help the husbands plow. Then Andy pitches an idea where people are knocked out for all their flights and shoved into tubes. The boys reminisce about how Andy behaved on Kratom. Then they talk about popping RFK jr’s  heart rate monitors on dogs to trick the government. Andy talks about a white lady in the audience crying while being empowered by a joke about doodies balls. They talk about using O’Neill’s 5’9 bit as a way of speaking truth to power. Then they talk about comedian angry freak outs. The boys also put their brilliant minds to use on how to handle the North Korea, South Korea problem and Ryan tries to convince Ari to ski there. The boys talk about how to be born into a wealthy family by cleaning streets in Heaven.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! Ryan laments the fact that garbage men don’t ride on the back of the truck. Then he takes issue with Andy’s Otterbox phone case that’s falling apart. Then they come up with a trick to get Andy on disability. Ryan’s wife tries to touch his antique globe and Andy roasts O’Neill’s novelty bobcat nutsack whiskey bottle. Then he has to prove to O’Neill that “cat pee” is an actual wine note. Andy pitches Ryan on being a Wartime Journalist. Andrew’s finger smells good but O’Neill won’t sniff it. And Andy finds a music video that’s too cringe even for O’Neill. They both have an extremely visceral reaction to it.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! This week O’Neill tries to build Andy’s confidence at the top of the show. Then the boys talk about the FBI raising money by selling DVDs with cut scenes from the Epstein jail. Then Andy gets a bunch of facts wrong but finds out right away this time. O’Neill tries to wake up Andy with farts which derails the podcast. We have an update from ATC Aaron and Andy mistakes Wesley Willis for William Wallace. Then the boys talk about the toilet situation in Liberia. Then they talk about growing crops in beach doodie. Then talk about the EDM scene in Goa. Then Ryan watches the Hunter Biden interview and has some issues with his preparedness to run for president.  Then the boys talk about how ex presidents can completely white wash their crimes by pounding booze with people at bars. O’Neill gets mad that Andy hasn’t watched his “skits” on his website. Then Andy walks Ryan through the CIA Simple Sabotage Handbook and O’Neill loses his mind and realizes he could have been the world’s best CIA agent.

Comedian Ryan O’Neill and Illustrator Andrew DeWitt bring you the dumbest takes on news, movies and ridiculous business ideas every week on Slop Quest! O’Neill finds out about the “Burbank Butt Sniffer” and is shocked when it turns out that it’s not Andrew. Then they pitch Nordstrom on a new ad campaign, “Nordstrom Sniff Out The Savings”! And to be honest, it really has legs. Then O’Neill can’t believe the backstory of the sniffer and it almost derails the entire show. Then they try to write a biography about the incident with one of the craziest book titles ever. The Andrew laments the fact that it’s sweltering while two unused air conditioners sit in the same room they’re recording in. This episode is really good and really stupid. Come get your slop!

Ryan tries to figure out what’s got the internet so pissed off about a blue jeans ad. Then the boys float the idea of a Sidney Sweeney presidency with random civics tests for American citizens with big rewards. The boys also talk about the Tea App massive leak. The boys then talk about how scary it is to talk to actual psychopaths. Then they talk about the disturbing phenomenon of ex-mafia YouTube. O’Neill sits beside a dude having a potentially viral meltdown on a plane. Then O’Neill tries out some new cool rhyme schemes and floats the idea of Dr. O’Neill Sings. Then the boys hand out African Warlord names and try to build a business as Brand Consultants for African Warlords through a new PR Company.

Ryan’s brain is mush and Andy recounts a harrowing soup kitchen story where church ladies go nuts to some sweet ragtime jams. Then the boys try to rewrite the character of Oscar The Grouch in a more realistic manner. Ryan gets worried that his bad signing is a sign of a bad life and Andy tries to reassure him. Ryan and Ari play with a war hero’s medals and then use an old car to play Driving Miss Daisy then Andy tries to dissect what these ding dongs are getting out of this vacation role play. Andy recounts the joys of “Civil War Day” at his elementary school and the ridiculous outfits kids wore. O’Neill tries to understand the South’s obsession with the Confederacy. Then the boys dive into some Epstein talk and they talk about his aliens tricked humans into thinking gold was valuable.

The boys get a five star review for their podcast but it’s just about Andy getting lead poisoning from his Stanley Thermos. This leads them to talk about the powers unleashed by getting slightly dumber every year. Ryan talks about penises as a sales tactic to get people to “pay the gay away” by joining Patreon. Then they talk about plastic army men being found in semen. Andy hits the Dollar Store for Yardley’s soap and gets roasted for it. Then they develop a soap for wieners only. Andy thinks the nation is stress eating dollar store candy. Then the boys talk about the Diddy trial and taking a rickshaw to the airport. Then there’s a little Bailey Jay/Buck Angle talk and O’Neill gets confused. Then they talk about the old Popular Science videos about which machines rip your dick off. Then O’Neill tries to pay Andy for voice over work with cookies. Then they reminisce about Paula Dean as O’Neill tries to remember what happened to her. Then they talk about delusional treasure hunters. Then Burt invents a “camping toilet” and hires Andy to draw his invention but Burt focuses too much on unimportant details.

Ryan reveals how women are hanging out with nuns instead of wearing thongs at the beach. Andy finds out that E-Girls are pretending to be femboys in order to get more followers on Only Fans and when the secret gets out everyone rages. Then Ryan comes up with a new scam where he dresses as a nun to bang chicks. Then they come up with a pitch for Sister Act 3 based on this premise. Andy finds out that out that Russel Crowe is trying to kickstart a music career and the comments are amazing. This makes O’Neill lament the downward trajectory of Bruce Willis’ movie career. Then they pitch an idea for Ryan called “Cool Navy Seal”.  There’s some Bezos wedding talk then they create a Delta Premium Gooner’s Lounge. Andy goes to Medieval Times, enjoys the food but has a bone to pick with the show. The O’Neill creates some Wild West names for fans.

Andy is finally right about some news as he breaks the Liver King arrest to O’Neill. A fan of Andrew’s art asks him to design a landslide. Ryan says disturbing things on a major podcast while hammered and fans reach out to Andy. Ryan gets a terrible lap dance. Andy talks about the creative powers of dreams and Ryan can actually sing Billy Joel. Hertz comes up with a new scam to fuck over customers. Then there’s some Tucker Carlson talk as well as National Eggs and Analingus Day. Then there’s another red pill deep dive that enrages O’Neill.

O’Neill gets so bored hanging out with David Lee Roth after spending 3 months with him and hearing the stories he has left to tell after all his rock n roll tales run dry. Then Andy mourns the loss of one of the world’s worst comedy road dogs who lived down the street from him in Chicago. The boys then talk about the “riot” situation in Los Angeles and how ridiculous the news reporting on it. O’Neill shares his proposal story with and Andy recounts how Pancakes tried to get him to spend $10k on an engagement ring. The Ryan talks about preserving dead husband’s wieners for bereaved wives. Andy finds an “Am I Overreacting” about body hair shaming on Reddit and it drives O’Neill crazy. The boys float the idea of not letting people work until they’re 25. Then they create a restaurant where serves make change with different cuts of meat. O’Neill visits the Bunny Ranch and gets incredibly depressed.   Then they come up with an idea to keep people safe in gang violence situations. The Andy finds one of the most pathetic Married Redpill posts of all time and O’Neill absolutely eats it all up and roasts the guy into oblivion.

Andy finds all the parts to his old Stanley Thermos and is far too excited. Ryan reveals that Ozempic makes the pee pee bigger. Then Andy promises “no more dog shit ideas”. Also, he experiences a harrowing bout of sleep paralysis. Then they find out that the Atari 2600 can beat AI at chess. Then they write a sci-fi story called Race Car 3039: The Future is Gay. They also play with the idea of a Costco airline.  Then O’Neill reveals the true building blocks of comedy. Then “Bad Boy Andrew” makes an appearance to shit on O’Neill’s ideas instead of vice versa and O’Neill can’t get enough.

Every week comedians Andrew DeWitt and Ryan O’Neill take current and historical events and spin them into outrageous screenplay pitches and business ideas. This week they consider starting their own “horny Slop Quest” religion. Then O’Neill wants to rent an abandoned skyscrapers but gets worried about hidden creepers. Then the boys talk about how easy it is to be a ceo in today’s environment. The they talk about making the White House into a reality show. Then Andy reveals an infuriating “Am I Overreacting “. O’Neill is flabbergasted by the choices Ben Afflek makes in the new Accountant sequel. They offer up some compelling relationship advice. O’Neill tries to rip one on the sly but gets caught out immediately. Then Ryan tries to hype up a 200 year old condom. Andy finds out about a 711 using opera to drive off homeless people. One of Andy’s Chicago buddies tries to pay a stripper’s rent and bankrupts himself. Then they help out a listener who’s going through a break up. Then they revisit the 80’s classic “Soul Man”. Then Ryan gets too vulnerable and Andy roasts him.

Ryan was kept up all night by a mysterious alarm and this causes them to create a new business website called WifeDoctor.com. Andy goes to the Water World Stunt Spectacular and sits in the “soak” seats but remains bone dry. Kevin Costner makes an extremely poor directing choice and gets roasted by the boys for like 30 minutes. Then they come up with a business where they add sexy b-roll to random movies to “spice ‘em up”. Ryan gets attacked by a tiger in India. Then a lion kills a guy after he goes to the bathroom. This causes the boys to formulate a meal that would produce a diarrhea so powerful it would scare off a n apex predator. Then realistic baby dolls take over Brazilian hospitals and Ryan gets out Frank Britton Rickettes. Then they address the TRT epidemic taking over 50 year old men.  Andy gets real about his binge eating and it’s hilarious.

This week, they reminisce about Kevin Spacey in K-Pax and an old classmate of Andy’s hilarious drama class monologue choices. O’Neill gets accused of loving golf and laments the enshittification of Las Vegas. Santa Monica passes open container laws, and it’s gonna get crazy. Andy’s buddy Burt makes an accidentally homophobic Super Hero sketch. Then the boys talk about how Los Angeles needs more “idea guys”. An amazing business idea crops up when the boys come up with a pumpkin-based children’s book for adults. Andy talks about the origin of “Jingle Bells Batman Smells”. O’Neill worries that a cartoon they are making together is too “pedestrian,” and it completely baffles Andy. Then Andy exposes O’Neill for making friends with different marginalized groups so he can do bits without worrying. O’Neill then tries to big time his nephew with a local softball bat commercial voiceover gig. Then Andy finds out about a man who spent $600 of his girlfriend’s money on a cellphone Gacha game. Then they dissect the tragic downfall of the Findom community.

Every week comedians Andrew DeWitt and Ryan O’Neill take current and historical events and spin them into outrageous screenplay pitches and business ideas. On this episode the boys dissect the newest AI catastrophe and come up with a new Christian Karate based business strategy to help people karate chop away sin.

Every week comedians Andrew DeWitt and Ryan O’Neill take current and historical events and spin them into outrageous screenplay pitches and business ideas. Ryan is back from Austin, where the comedy is great and the city is…fine. Then O’Neill praises the homeless public masturbators of Texas. Andy finds a Silicon Valley executive who’s trying to create his own scam religion. Then the boys try to figure out if anal causes permanent damage and O’Neill makes a strange new promise. Then the boys come up with a plan to save zoomer chicks from a fate worse than death. 

Every week comedians Andrew DeWitt and Ryan O’Neill take current and historical events and spin them into outrageous screenplay pitches and business ideas. The boys open up with some reminiscing about how hot that crazy chick who saw a fake person on the plane was. Then Andy brings in a Harbor Freight survival knife and gets roasted non-stop by O’Neill. The boys talk about the overall plan of all presidents in America. Then they invent an amazing new survival product called “The Goon Blade”. O’Neill tries to remember the melody to “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” and absolutely butchers it. Then we present a new segment: “O’Neill Tries To Remember The Bible”.

Ryan opens the episode with a good old fashioned fart in a small, closed room. Then there’s some Machu Pichu talk and O’Neill can’t get over when it was built. They talk ultra light planes for bit. O’Neill gets food poisoning and tries to pitch dessert subs to Andy but he blows the pitch by farting in the room while talking about food. Then the some boys plan a museum/ gallery exhibit and O’Neill rehearses his Terry Gross interview style. Deportations hit home for Andy. Then they tighten up their pitch for the Peter Pan Exorcist and flesh out all the fixins of the movie.

The Pope has passed on and the boys have some theories about it. Then Andy’s friend takes someone on a tour of a shady under the boardwalk secret club. Andy finds some movies on Tubi that O’Neill can’t get enough of. Ryan has a detailed medical report of the leg lengthening procedure that’s sweeping the nation’s short kings. Andy eats too much weed and it keeps him up all night. O’Neill has a huge problem with this especially when he finds out that the main reason Andy couldn’t sleep was seeing a picture of a demon trapped in glass on Reddit.

O’Neill gets mad when someone doesn’t know what the term “gooner’ means. Then Andrew dissociates at a Rite Aid. Then the boys talk about the perfect legal judge for their podcast. O’Neill leaves a bunch of .357 ammo all over the apartment and Andrew  ones up with a lube based gum for oral sex. Then there’s a legit Earthquake during the podcast . They deep dive on height length surgeries now that there’s more data. Andy explains Catholic sex rules to O’Neill and they look for loopholes in language and O’Neill tries to convince Andy that all nuns are secretly horny. Then they talk about national IQ scores and try to break down 3hat that means for the world. Then Andy gets mad at the state of O’Neill’s recording studio. Then the boys make a new movie pitch that’s got unbelievable legs to it.

Andy welcomes everyone to the show and talks about a kid’s YouTube channel that is so stupid it makes kids non-verbal. Ryan gets an outrageous Venmo request and they try to come up with heartstring pulling Venmo scams. Then they talk Less Than Zero and eyebrow mites. Then the boys talk about airport spaghetti and meatballs from DFW 711. Then the boys diagnose American bowel movements in the Great British Dump off. O’Neill brags about his Cambodian dumps and Andy worries about the Khmer Rouge hiding in toilets with machetes. Then O’Neill is still angry at Arnold Schwarzenegger for banging his dumpy maid. Then they try to figure out the sex lives of conjoined twins and that tiny lady from TLC has a new boyfriend.

Rats are at war with crows in Southern California. Ryan tells Andy what “Hotwifing” js and they weigh in on the pros and cons. Then Andy’s wife has a message for O’Neill…about how much she loves the Jamaican Me Horny Spring Break album. Then O’Neill promises to never censor himself or conform to ridiculous societal norms. Then they talk about what’s really inside the Ark of the Covenant. Andy exposes Reiki Healing as a scam through a Reddit post. Then they pitch an action wartime drama called Dog B*mb that’s so good YouTube cuts their live stream.

Ryan accuses Andy of staying up all night partying. Then Andy gets a new electrical panel and the results are hilarious. Then there’s some bathrobe related neighborhood shenanigans going on and Ryan won’t let Andy play with some new toys he got for her nieces and nephews. Then Andy tells Ryan about the Chinese Sherlock Holmes, “The Honorable Judge Dee”, who solves mysteries by torturing people and talking to ghosts. O’Neill find out about the CEO of Pirate’s Booty who tried to take over an entire town. Andy gets berated at the Dollar Store for “cutting in line”. Andy unclogs a major toilet disaster and Ryan tells him he’s getting played. Then they have a business idea about how to get business men to covertly unstick their balls from the side of their leg.

O’Neill has a concussion and Andy smells blood in the water and goes nuts on O’Neill. Then he reveals that the concussion has given him impression powers. There’s some Princess and The Pee talk, Pocket Watch hypnosis, and performing stand up concussed. Then White Lotus breaks the R word taboo. Andy tells O’Neill about Jimmy Carter and the “prison planet” conspiracy and O’Neill converts to Gnostic Christianity. They reminisce about trashy ladies with Tweetie Bird tattoos. Then Andy and Ryan come up with a game plan for having to sit next to a dead guy on a plane. Ryan tries to hypnotize Andy with a dangling finger. A rich guy blows his penis out with enlargement surgery. Then O’Neill sings the praises of David LoPan . Then he humble brags about a woman attacking him in his sleep. Andy criticizes O’Neill’s impression of his own voice which he considers “performativly sexy”.   Then they talk about a fair price for crimes. A cab driver tries to bang Andy’s ex girlfriend and left hilarious messages. Then Andy plays a heart warming story of a pastor beating up a kid for “playing games with God”.

The boys talk about about an Action News chopper that only looks for breaking adult entertainment. Andy doesn’t like reality and he’s completely comfortable about it. Then he uses gnomes from The Dollar Store and uses it as a way derail bedtime. Ryan and Andy talk about how cool they are about cuss words and then Ryan feels old at a softball game. Then they talk about raising the age of consent to 25 to get rid of all creepers. Then they talk about comedy that doesn’t hold up anymore and the seriousness of male depression. O’Neill remembers back when he used a soundboard to prank call Andy during the Boner City USA days. Then they get a mental diagnosis from a science guy. Then Andy finds the Redditor who thought he liked doody stuff and found out…that he didn’t.

Andy introduces O’Neill to Clutch Cargo, then O’Neill dives into the opiate prevention scam. Then he repitches an idea about medical jargon with the phrase “Kick Your Heart in The Nards”. Then the boys talk about Ray Stevens doing the theme song for Narcos. Then they come up with an idea for a comedy band where the gimmick is just that the band has shoes on their knees. Then Andy enrages O’Neill when he doesn’t understand what a “twist” in a movie is or a “spoiler”. I can’t articulate how much this bothers O’Neill. Then a man is emasculated by a charcuterie board and O’Neill completely loses it. Then we talk eating a chicken pot pie in bed. Then Andy blows O’Neill’s mind with Japanese KFC Christmas.

Originally recorded 01.06.25

Ryan truth bombs Andy about the clothing brand London Fog then there’s some scary fog talk. Then the boys talk about facial recognition. Then they talk about a new scientific study that links brain power to taking lots of dumps. Then Ryan breaks down how he warms up for “fun” accents and travels the globe with different accent versions of “ohh ohhh mmm”. Speaking of fun, Andy loses weight in a fun new way. Then the boys dump all over Amtrack compared to European high speed rail. Then they create another law firm where the lawyers try to submit homemade sex tapes as important evidence. Then there’s some Henry Kissinger talk that got us in trouble. You’ll love it. Then they talk Military Grade Burger King deployment. Then the boys break down the entire fondue menu for The Melting Pot and reveal some insane offerings.

Originally recorded on 12.03.24

Ryan shuts down Andy’s Rowdy Uncle Ronnie’s Rude and Raunchy Christmas. Then he rips apart Andy’s new breath strip and insists he begin nose workouts. A concerned fan reaches out about Ryan’s violent behavior and it gets spooky and funny. Then they cover the history of Presidential Pardons. After that they uncover an amazing social media scandal that involves one of Aaron’s favorite accounts!

A church in Sweden uses AI for confessions, Ryan fumes about a woman trying to bring her own protein bars to a wedding, and Andy plays a farting kid video that the boys berate him for possibly being fake. O’Neill’s rude neighbors bring their rudeness to the movie theater, the world’s first Polish super car is revealed , and fat hunters are dying of heart attacks across America. Then Ryan blows the lid off a crooked urologist. Then the boys talk Christmas presents for religious people. Finally the boys write a new chapter of the Bible, Pizzarinthians.

Then they go through the staggering amount of Police Academy productions that came out in a row. O’Neill’s buddy ends up on Porter County Cops a localized version of “Cops”. Then Andy finds a hilarious medical device on Amazon that is so horribly translated that they can help but read all the instructions. Then they talk about idiotic bank robbing strategies. 

Andy’s friend can’t drive stick and has a panic attack on the highway driving a muscle car. Then our good pal Tracy finds a “Psychic Defense” class and the gang goes crazy!

On This Pork Report style episode of Beach Cops, Ryan tells Andrew about the joys of life on the road. A heroin junkie invades Great Wolf Lodge and leaves syringes everywhere. The boys discuss billionaire brontosaurus secrets and the forgotten 80’s classic “Baby: Secret of The Lost Legend” and how Andy was forced to study cryptids at elementary school. Andy finds out about the Sasquatch “gifting rock” and Ryan debuts a 1970’s gem “Bigfoot and Wildboy” and it’s truly unbelievable. Then we hear O’Neill on a legit baseball bat commercial which leads to an amazing Aaron underdog softball story!

On this episode, the gang talks Book Fair books, school stores, and Little Caesar’s Pan-Pan. Also, Andrew recounts a story of being jumped in elementary school and using his fat to his advantage. O’Neill intelligently breaks down how the insults of 4th graders wouldn’t hurt as much as an adult. Then, they argue about the size of ships in a bottle. After that, they invent new types of rum that would feature Andy as a mascot figure dressed as a little Dutch boy. They finally talk about South American/Mexican alien mummies, which inspires O’Neill to try speaking Spanish. Then, Andy reads comments on the Whazzup Man of Reddit AITA.

Another fantastic, classy, dignified episode of the Pork Report with Ryan and Andrew. Andy buys a soundboard for a dollar and immediately gets decision fatigue. Andrew and Ryan try to create a game show called “Read O’Neill’s Mind”, but it doesn’t pan out. Then, they talk Cadbury turkeys and nacho cheese turkeys. Andy shows O’Neill Gymkata for the first time, and they brainstorm more Olympic-based action films.  

Ryan talks about politicians working way past the retirement point, and Aaron recounts amazing movies. Then, O’Neill and DeWitt create an action movie called Pork Chops about karate police partners who fight children.

Jeff is out of town, so to keep it together, DeWitt and O’Neill decide to ditch the cargo shorts and dress up like two true gentlemen. O’Neill asks Andy to plunder-wash his laundry for $1.75. Aaron gets “kind of“ horny. Andy’s friend Burt stays up all night dreaming of $50,000. O’Neill and Andy role play a car dealership where Andy keeps being mistaken for a woman. O’Neill roasts character testimonies for Danny Masterson. Then, it’s business ideas galore! Including their own character witness testimony business.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

Andrew needs to be hypnotized to fall asleep and also can’t keep in touch with his relatives on the East coast.  Ryan takes umbrage with the lyrics to ”Bongos” and tries to rewrite them. Danish recaps an emotionally abusive new 90 Day Fiancé. Andrew asks the gang a hypothetical question, and then it’s Danish and O’Neill vs Andy in a TLC reality show pitch off. 

Listeners come together to write O’Neill an open letter one line at a time to get him to stop his bad boy zone behavior. The letter predictably goes off the rails. After that, the gang explains an idea DeWitt and O'Neill once had to Aaron. Andy’s back goes out again, as Danish shows a beautiful horse, which Ryan thinks is a psyop. Then, they talk about the diarrhea plane. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this one, the gang debates if there is ever a “charming” way to blast a big old beefer in front of a potential significant other to score points. Once again, Ryan gives sound dating advice, and the boys test their knowledge of the states and capitals, while Danish plays cannon sound effects over them. It’s a good one! 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode, O’Neill has some tough but fair relationship advice for a morgue employee. Also, O’Neill talks horror movies. Andrew discusses his intense ballet training and then he proves he has a 12 inch vert. Danish and O’Neill make him post to Reddit’s AITA, and he’s too scared to do it. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, please go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode of Beach Cops, Andy is recovering from Covid, and the Codeine darkness has his soul. Danish has some shocking manatee news, and O’Neill can’t stand a restaurant that serves gross ice cream. Plus, a new mash-up song of shame is revealed. 

O’Neill has a family incident with fireworks and then launches so many Roman candles he looks like a chimney sweep. Then, the gang imagines Andy’s "pirate" teaming up with Somali pirates. There’s some more black powder talk. After, there’s some AI talk mixed with some Scottish Lords talk that gets derailed by a "special" headstand request from O’Neill. The gang imagines what would happen if Jehovah’s Witness ladies were super turned-on, while Aaron critiques their conversion rates. Aaron breaks down all of Jeff Dunham’s puppets, and the gang goes nuts. 

Andrew “thinks” he saw an extremely tall lady adult film being filmed in an alley. Someone’s wife goofs through the metal security door and then her and Andy do prairie dog noises, while O’Neill is on the toilet. Andy finds out about an AI app that generates erotic stories and goes nuts with it and toys with the idea of using it as a wonderful anniversary gift. Then, they use the app to make a story about Ryan and Aaron kissing. Andy seeks validation for his robot model from a very unlikely source. Danish gets a heartfelt email from a fan and Dementia Ronald Reagan gives him some solid love advice. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode of Beach Cops, Ryan reveals that his goofy wife won’t stop doing prairie dog noises, and it’s driving him insane. There‘s some kidney selling talk, and then Andy reveals an industry secret that a big time producer and friend of Ari Shaffir‘s is very concerned about Ari's out of control hemorrhoids. Andy pleads for more writing assignments, and they roast the Penn State dog professor (he's a man, not a dog...just listen to eliminate any confusion).

Andy gets stuck in his own apartment and has to drill his way out. Ryan talks about Breaking Away and Indiana history. Then, the stream goes down again. A butter fire is suggested for burning notebooks. Andy enjoys VR adult content, where he has to outrun male genitalia, which Danish and O’Neill turn into a gym business ideas. Then, Danish does a bio of Corn Hogger, and Andy insists there used to be nudity on a Disney ride. For the grand finale, Andrew has an unhinged "Sunday" idea for a story called “Dolores”.

Come celebrate 200 episodes with a Mad Lib the fans sent in that doesn’t match up with the end result, a trip to the farm that enrages DeWitt , and some touching drunk calls from fans. You’re in for a treat! Holiday. Celebrate.

On this episode of Beach Cops, the gang talks about catering movies to 4DX seating, which Andy loves. Then, Ryan makes fun of Yoda’s clothes, which really bothers Andy. Andrew reminds the gang how much his dad loves "Cool Runnings". Danish talks about using a sexy cashier voice to say sensual stuff through the drive thru speakers. This confuses O’Neill, who tries to produce his own news segment. After that, Andrew reminds them of the hot dog prank Danish and O’Neill tried to pull years ago.

Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/BEACHCOPS. This is their best offer yet, and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Andy starts the show, talking about his tragically famous Dutch ancestors, and O’Neill shares his amazing new invention for hard-to-crack pistachio shells. Then the boys do Thundercat impressions for no apparent reason. After, O’Neill gets really angry at Andy, who is going nuts laughing at "certain" videos online and laments the state of entertainment. Aaron drops a late-in-the-show bomb about his Instagram recommendations that cuts one Beach Cop deep.

On this episode, Andrew has a disappointing urination stream due to a soap fiasco. Danish goes to Disneyland, and people walk off a ride in the middle of it. Andy finds body grooming tips on YouTube (guess which body part) that blow his mind. Then, Danish finds a human interest story about a DnD nerd, who uses a “robot“ voice at McDonald’s, and O’Neill and Andy prepare to rage until they hear the news reporter’s name…. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode of Beach Cops, Aaron finally becomes one with Beach Cops as he plays Mad Libs with the boys. O’Neill gets some cool names for possible future kids. They come up with some more buffet style biznass talk, particularly a great new way to make $10 a pop. Then, Andrew brings out the Spring Break Uncle Ronnie songs, and O’Neill has no memory of his part in it and is full of shame. It ends with both Danish and O’Neill setting each other up for great knock knock jokes, while also ruining Andy’s. 

Be forewarned: Aaron is on fire with the wordplay this episode, so plan accordingly. Andy comes out of the gates with excitement over having something in common with Mark Normand. What he has in common makes Danish and O’Neill ask Andy how far he’d go for his "special interest". Andy tells a harrowing tale of drinking port wine and passing out from blood sugar issues. The gang grapples with a Black Mirror style question about drinking, bathing, and only having tuna water for all your water needs for a year.  Danish gets into some infuriating "lion talk" and then Aaron shares his love for GRR Martin’s "Beauty and The Beast". O’Neill goes over all his cool childhood weapons, and there's a tragic reveal from Danish. They then discuss how to eat with chopsticks and a Thai restaurant refuses to let Andy eat with them and gives him a spoon instead. That inspires a new business idea for a chopsticks based media company.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

We open with O’Neill being delighted that Chinese throwing stars are legal again in Indiana. O’Neill then tries to take credit for getting Andy off drugs and requests a wish as compensation. Aaron talks about a new softball rival and injury. This leads O’Neill to come up with a pair of cutting-edge questions that build the backbone of a new philosophy. Andy and Danish do NOT think these are “good” questions. O‘Neill doubles down that these are the hard-hitting questions that MUST be asked. Andy thinks these questions are just the intrusive thoughts of a mentally ill person. Proving that's not the case, O’Neill becomes Andy’s lawyer in a fictional case about kissing. Andy shows everyone his new robot. Then, they explore the business possibilities of the "Two Question Scenario".

On this episode, Andy opens with a Romeo and Juliet fart parody song based off the 1969 movie, and O’Neill is not impressed. Then, O’Neill has an insane list of demands for the aliens should they ever kidnap him. Danish talks about Israeli cars that run on hummus. Then, he pulls up a viral video of a woman who claims she would please her man at least six times a day, which leads to a debate if that would be good or not. The show ends with a huge bombshell, as Andy reveals he was part of a NASA brainwashing program as a child.

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On this episode of Beach Cops, Andy reveals that hot nurses on Reddit are getting a little too crazy on duty (doodie). Danish reveals a nefarious turd related plot on Broadway involving the Clintons. Then, O‘Neill gives his own science related report, and it’s JUST as insane as Andy’s, if not more so. Danish plays “smart music” to help the science get written! A LOT of very smart discussions this episode.

It’s St. Patrick’s day on Beach Cops, and Ryan demands respect for his heritage. Andy reveals he is 2% Vietnamese, and Ryan says he can tell.  Then, the gang comes up with the new craze: The Ghost Pepper Challenge. Speaking of peppers, listener Hot Hot Peppers has advice for O’Neill about curing his wendigo problem. Also, we have a fantastic new quote compilation from new deputy Jake that may just earn us many more patrons!

The show opens with the boys receiving some amazing gifts from fans. After, Andy wears smart boy glasses and shares a "drawering" he did of the boys as fantasy wizards. Andy talks about a hilarious "milking machine" Twitter incident with a certain public figure he's drawn criticism for speaking about in the past. Danish blows everyone away with a new Milf Manor clip, and then, Ryan asserts he can eat more real steak than Andy can eat fake steak and insists on a competition. The convo moves to Steven Seagal and Putin’s ridiculous friendship before they end with a new bad lunch lady from the news. 

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this ep, the "teacher" finally changes Andrew and Ryan's seats, so the boys will behave better. Danish reads an article written by a Priest, who says that twerking is evil. Then, the boys get caught up on Mormon butt-stuff regulations and allowable marital activities. Andrew almost buys himself a trophy, and finally, a new David Goggins video makes everyone flip out.

The boys return to the dark for a full episode to get the creative juices flowing. O’Neill refuses to participate in a standing ovation at a theater and becomes violent at the idea of being forced to stand. DeWitt’s family has anxiety about all their ESP. When O'Neill comes up with a scenario that takes place at a mall fountain, Andrew loses it. Andy then freaks out again about perceived boomer sex jokes. Danish finds a new “mom blog” to completely infuriate everyone. Another business idea for a sex barge is floated by the guys and it’s not exactly a water-tight idea.

It comes out that Andy has been keeping a “productivity journal” while O’Neill was out of town. Danish reads O’Neill the journal, and he loses it because it’s mainly tracking bowel movements and "self-love" time. Danish and O’Neill have a eulogy for Bob from the Comedy Store, which puts Andrew in a dark/weird place but makes him sympathetic towards his cohosts. Then, the boys turn off all the lights and finally write a Wazzup Man of Reddit!

On this episode, the gang covers Andy getting chemical burns on his hands from throwing urinal cakes at people in elementary school. Then, they talk about Bloody Mary being back in full effect for a whole new generation. Things take a dark turn when they find out about the dude dating Shauna Rae (of TLC fame), and let’s just say the boys have some severe opinions. O’Neill also finally gets down to the real brass tacks of life advice for DeWitt. 11/10 star episode

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this episode, Andy brings in a survival tool for show-and-tell with a hidden punch knife, and it’s the worst piece of (expletive) anyone has ever seen. He also keeps dropping it, causing Danish some extreme anxiety. They talk Chinese spy balloons and a disturbing report from O’Neill on Milf Manor, but Andrew still wants those gross old ladies. O’Neill tries to get down to brass tacks with life advice for Andy. Then, Andy disappoints himself and his wife when he lets the boys play a scary game with his nips and then twerks.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

O’Neill is back from his tour with a brand new debilitating ski injury. Was it another curse by Boon? Who knows because O’Neill found doodie stains in the ATC toilet and dragged DeWitt in to see it (even though he claims he’s totally against doodie talk). Andrew seductively fingerboards on the boys’ legs, and Danish gets turned on! Then, we talk about finger surfing and finger snowboarding, which infuriates O’Neill. That is, until Danish infuriates Andrew with a disturbing announcement from M&Ms.

To listen to this full episode and get other bonus content, go to our PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

We recorded this bad boy on Friday the 13th, and it’s pretty spooky! O’Neill makes everyone watch the Skinamarink Horror trailer, and Aaron and Andrew want nothing to do with it. Andy reveals a secret about adult film stars. They talk spooky celebrity deaths related to the show, attempted pregnancies, and impossible vegan privates. Andy then gets obsessed with fingerboards and aggressively pesters the gang to play fingerboards with him, using his bathroom sink as a skate pool...until O’Neill loses it and screams mean things at him instead of just being chill and playing cool, sweet fingerboards.

On this episode, Danish and O’Neill try to give the Bushman a proper eulogy, but they just roast him to Andrew‘s horror. (It’s what he would have wanted!) And, O’Neill meets the ultimate Scrooge Karen at a grocery store. There's much more on the Patreon side, so check it out if you haven't already!

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to Helix Sleep dot com slash beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code BEACHCOPS at Manscaped.com. That’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code BEACHCOPS. Manscaped, get your Jingle balls ready for the Holidays.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BEACHCOPS and get on your way to being your best self.

This episode is brought to you by Helix. Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to helixsleep.com/beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code [BEACHCOPS] at Manscaped.com. Manscaped, get your Jingle balls ready for the Holidays!

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to Helix Sleep.com/beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

There’s more can talk from the DeWitt family as they take their empty beer and weed soda cans to school for recycling day field trip points. Then, a new show idea emerges: “The Real House Santa’s of Atlanta”. Ryan proposes an X-rated partnership with ATC. Also, the gang remembers that they missed National Wizard Name Appreciate Day and hand out Wizard and Gizzard names! Danish brings up a political dynamo, who makes a porno for freedom. There’s a good bit of moral high ground grand standing that gets immediately destroyed by incompetence.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BEACHCOPS and get on your way to being your best self.

An age old debate comes up: were Pazusu's (from a documentary about a wannabe cult leader who called himself Pazusu) ladies hot. Hear who's on the right and wrong side of history. Andrew opens up about a creepy weed dealer from his past, and his friend, Bruce Doo’Tay who is being scammed by a life coach.

Go to https://www.magicmind.co/beachcops And get 40% off your subscription or 20% off your first one time purchase with code: BEACHCOPS20, this special 40% offer is valid within 10 days of sign-up so hurry up! 

Brian Holtzman is finally on Beach Cops, and boy, does he come in hot, singing "My Sharona" and plugging his new book, "A Bar Girl in a Woke World". He even talks eating ass with DeWitt and airs some comedy grievances. He also plugs a hot stand up date he has for the roast of Dracula! It's must listen Holtzman-a-palooza.

On this episode of Beach Cops, the gang gives Aaron his first Wizard Name! Andrew's wife tells the "hilarious" divorce story at a party and it doesn't go according to plan. They come up with some legitimately great business ideas including a birthday party garbage truck and Pizza Panties. Danish faces his greatest challenge running his "sound board" so far when he gets hamstrung by YouTube's unskippable 15 second ads.

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to helixsleep.com/beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now!

Reminiscent of the good ole days of Boner City USA, Andrew and O'Neill are at each other's throats as Andy derails entire segments to talk about weight loss, buttholes and the usual stuff that enrages O'Neill. Danish finally gets credit for his luxurious hair. Black Mirror Style questions abound! Danish has a real treat in store as he pulls up the Toy Hall of Fame for the first time for Andy and they all immediately rage out at the crap that makes the list.

On this action packed episode of Beach Cops, O’Neill threatens DeWitt with an actual real life taser to prevent tickling then Danish pulls up pictures of Prince King Charles’s hot dog fingers. Danish and O’Neill grill DeWitt about how his entire family hangs out with him while he’s on the toilet.

We open with a John Little update. Then, Andy is accused of some donkey business. Later, he tries out his new presidential impressions. He also opens our eyes to the ultra secretive world of restaurant supplies. After that, it's a hilarious tale of almost divorce.

Jeff takes over summertime attire duties after Andrew starts slacking. Then it's tuber talk. Andrew talks about popping a wheelie, which ends with catastrophic results. Then, it's puppet time in the DeWitt househould. After that, we discuss the controversial 21 and over whipped cream law in New York.

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to HelixSleep.com/beachcops. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

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Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/dando.

Freeze Pipe makes everything from pipes to dab rigs, so checkout their entire lineup at thefreezepipe.com and use code DANDO for 10% off your first order. 

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/dando.

Freeze Pipe makes everything from pipes to dab rigs, so checkout their entire lineup at www.the freeze pipe.com, and use code DANDO for 10% off your first order.  

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at www.helixsleep.com/dando.

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep.com/dando.

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep.com/dando.

Freeze Pipe makes everything from pipes to dab rigs, so check out their entire lineup at the freeze pipe dot com! And, use code DANDO for 10% off your first order. 

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep dot com slash dando.

Freeze Pipe makes everything from pipes to dab rigs, so checkout their entire lineup at the freeze pipe dot com and use code DANDO for 10% off your first order. 

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep dot com slash dando. 

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep dot com slash dando.

Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep.com/dando.

Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/dando

https://www.patreon.com/beachcops

On this very special edition of the podcast, it's a Beach Cops infused episode of D+O. That's right; we're joined by none other than the third member of the Beach Cops podcast, Andrew DeWitt! We discuss all sorts of important issues and topics. For instance, we introduce the listeners to a Beach Cops topic: people getting stuck in donation bins. We really examine this problem and offer up ideas on how to prevent it. We also discuss snakes slithering through plumbing and ending up in your toilet. Speaking of toilets, Andrew tells us about his record-setting bathroom experience, and we accuse him of shenanigans. We even get into jazz musicians, and O'Neill makes up a cool new instrument, the trumpis. Also, we have some ideas on how to play awesome practical jokes on the TSA and an innovative idea that could just change the way people fly. Just like Beach Cops, this one gets wild and crazy but in the best of ways.

Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/dando

Right now, visit CREDIT KARMA DOT COM SLASH WIN MONEY to open your free account and start winning Instant Karma. 

Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/dando

Every purchase at MANSCAPED DOT COM goes towards contributions made to the Testicular Cancer Society. That’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code DANDO. Be the best ball handler this year with MANSCAPED™.

Please remember: Subscribe to The Kelcey Ayer Show on Spotify, Apple, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/dando

-Barb